Movie Manager Brad and the (Movie) Masters of the Universe: He-Man
Welcome to the Reel Fictious Reviews, where film reviews don’t simply take a passive back seat but grab eager readers by the imagination. Instead of reviewing a story, I bring you into a story of my own to discuss the films in review. I hope you find these entertaining and informing! To focus on just the reviews, look for the italicized text.
Follow movie manager Brad and his string of theatre characters as each story encompasses a different version of the characters in their local theatre, reflective of the film being reviewed. Each review is a story in and of itself. So enjoy and have fun at the movies!
This week, we see movie manager Brad as he and his fiance enjoy a movie night together, but apart. While one loves a good horror, the other is more set on Hugh Jackman based films. After the two meet back up in one of the theaters, something strange appears to happen. They . . . they can't seem to find an exit. Or really, any doors, even. And while they might not enjoy the exit all too much, I hope that you'll enjoy the story and imbedded review!
The Opening
We were in the tiny, dedicated space for the managers near the front of the movie theater. Tucked away behind a tiny wall and down a tiny hallway, a small hideaway ... er, I mean, a small workspace for us to reside and do our important daily duties.
"Brad,", a voice came over the radio.
"Yes Dee, what's up,", I replied.
"Take those buckets out of your shirt, that's inappropriate."
"But it's funny, right. I've got "extra large buckets" ... in ... instead of cups. Besides, I self-identify as a popcorn machine."
"You want to self-identify as unemployed," Dee asked in a monotone voice.
"Roger that, "de-bucketing" now. Can Ronnie help me "de-bucket"? He's been trying to get ahold of my buckets all day."
"If he'd like to join you in the unemployment line, sure."
"Nope,", exclaimed Ronnie in a loud and serious tone. Which, honestly made it all the funnier.
I slid up and under the shirt pulling the buckets from my chest, setting them down by my computer.
"Why do you do that," asked Jessica. "You could really be a great manager her if you only took it more serious. Stopped goofing off all the time."
"What can I say, I'm just ... just me. I don't really have what it takes to be a great manager, and I'm ok with that. Might as well make a few laughs though," I said with a deeper voice that reflected an intentional corniness.
"Why are you talking like that," asked Jessica. "You sound like a bad version of an 80s commentator."
"Because, young manager, I simply believe in me, and, in the power of us,", I replied while sitting down at my computer facing the screen, getting ready to fill out some reports.
"Ok, so . . . I'm guessing you saw He-Man at some point," asked Jessica.
"I did, faithful companion."
"That's . . . weird. Don't call me that."
"Sorry," I said, speaking in my regular voice. "But now, onward and upward," I continued, now back to the deep and cheesy commentator voice.
"Well, was it any good," asked Ronnie, still working on his computer.
"I'm glad you asked, keeper of the computer," I said. "I would say that it was, actually, pretty . . . "
Suddenly there was a rumbling surrounding us, the walls, floor, and ceiling vibrating violently along with an ear numbing explosion. Lights flickered and the computers all shut off all at once. Alarms began to blare in the background and I could look around at everyone in the office staring at the ceiling, then looking around at one another.
"Wh...what was that," asked Lei.
"I don't know, maybe the kitchen," replied Ronnie, as he waved his head back and forth, his hair drifting off and to the sides in dramatic fashion.
"No, no I um . . . I don't think that was the kitchen," I replied. "Sounded more like a, um ... a ... GET DOWN, NOW," I screamed.
An enormous explosion blew through the back wall, shoving us face first against the cabinets lying in front of us. My ears were ringing with a fuzzy muffled siren blaring from somewhere deep within my head. Lying beneath a blanket of rubble, I stirred a bit of my body more and more, starting with my hands and arms to make sure I could even move at all. Exploring further and further down my body, moving parts bit by bit, I soon came to lie still before breaking through the broken wall atop my body.
Throwing my hands up and under my chest, I threw my body off of the ground and saw the dusty haze surrounding me and my movie managers. Ronnie was sitting upright but slightly bent over on the computer counter, preoccupied with dusting off his hair. His shirt and pants were in tatters . . . but his shades didn't have a scratch on them. Lei was on the counter as well but covered in cabinet pieces himself and curled up in pain. Jessica wasn't anywhere to be seen. Neither was the manager room door, for that matter.
"Jess ... Jessica," I yelled out, walking toward the open-door frame where the door once was. Looking through the gap, I could see the door was this time under someone, instead of vice-versa. Jessica was sprawled out over the cracked and disassembled door, not moving. I rushed to her and picked her up from the broken pile of wood.
"Hey, hey . . . wake up," I screamed at her while cradling her in my arms. "Jessica, wake up!"
After a few seconds, a light lamentation leaked from her lips as she stirred awake, and in pain. "Wh...what happened," she struggled to say.
"I'm ... I don't, uh ..." I began to try and explain. Before wasting what time she still had awake, I took a quick look around. The haze had begun to lift and I could see through the hole in the wall. Beyond the broken barrier there lay the landscape of Lumieria, a land where content is king, narrative is cornerstone, and everyone's story has a place in the book of life. What would normally be fields of forests stretching as far as the imagination can go, with sunrise moons and nocturnal luminance balancing light throughout the land, there were now burnt piles of bark broken in millions of pieces and scattered upon the ground. Craters still sizzling from raw heat roasting the ground were plotted all around. And in the air, where the blue hue skies shone with cool white light from the sunrise moons now were flooded with creatures and mechanical creation all spewing projectiles toward the theater. Fire from the beasts, beams of destructive red blasts from the machines flying overhead. Destruction had come upon the Movie Master Cineplex in the heart of Lumieria, and there was but one force and one thing that would launch such an attack.
"Ronnie, get over here," I yelled out. Ronnie hopped off the counter and dusted his shirt off. As he began to walk over Lei came too and rolled off the counter right as Ronnie passed him. With a small "thud" he hit the ground, his breath escaping his body upon the small impact. "Lei, you ok," I asked.
"Huh . . . no," Lei replied in a shallow faint voice. "He's fine," I thought, hearing his voice as faint but solid. "He complains a lot but pushes through every time. He's good."
"What's up? Is she ok," asked Ronnie, bending down to one knee.
"I ... I don't know. But we can't just sit here. They're here again."
"Who, wh . . . who's here," asked Jessica, quickly fading.
"You don' worry about that, ok Jess. You just, you rest ... ok, and you'll be fine,". I was more reassuring myself than her at this point. Or maybe us both, equally. But reassurance was not to be our for the moment, as they had finally appeared before the gaping whole in the Cineplex before our eyes.
There were four of them. Uniform in every manner stave one trait. Their eyes. Each one had different eyes. Different sized eyes, to be specific. They all had matte black small brim fedoras on, all pale skin and long white hair down past their narrow shoulders. All with the same pin striped suits with black pads of paper in their breast coat pocket. Black polished shoes and a smile so big on each face that the corners of their lips quivered with their muscles lacking the strength to keep them outstretched so far. And lastly, on the side of each of their hip lie a sheath, letting lie within their weapon of choice. The fountain sword.
The fountain sword was a weapon set five foot in length. The bulk of the weapon was blunt and rounded like that of a fountain pen, yet with a tip so sharp it could sever a soul from any film fan with a single successful stroke of its mark. If that tip can pierce you through, even for a second, then it can grab hold your soul and rip it from your body. Then, no longer do you care for narrative. It is dead to you. A waste of time. Content is no longer king. It is all the same. What will matter then, will be numbers. Quantitative data that gives you a comprehensive insight into all things from the lens of cold, dead, objective data. These were members of, The Review Board. An organization at odds with those at the Movie Masters Cineplex and castaways from the land of Lumieria. And there was one Reviewer, as they were called, high among them all.
He floated from above the burning gap in the wall, softly landing behind the rest of the Reviewers until the two middle ones pivoted to their sides, facing one another, taking a side-step toward us and then taking one step back, revealing him. The Critical Reviewer . . . Blind Eye. He had a unique feature from the rest. While they all had different sized eyes, reflecting their amount of reliance on numbers alone as opposed to actual experience, he had none. To our understanding he is a blind number crunching monster that doesn't see anything for what it truly is, or could be, but what numbers tell him. Yet, he can fight and function as though he had an eye in every corner of every room.
"You, boy," he said out loud, pointing at me. "You're poised to be the next lord of this land, are you not?"
"Ronnie, take Jessica and get out of here," I said while picking her up and twisting around handing her off to him.
"Will do," Ronnie replied. "I'll take her to theater eight, the lockdown room."
With that I spotted at the corner of my eye a sudden swift movement of brazen black and gray. It was moving right toward us and I was able to hand off Jessica without a second to spare, right before the black and gray figure reach us and I suddenly felt a thrust of pain shoot through my side and I was sent flying through the air. Fortunately, Ronnie was able to side-step out of the way and as I flew through the air I could see him duck around the corner of the doorframe, then bolt along the wall.
I never lost focus, never lost consciousness, just became one with the floor for a second and took in what I saw. What was happening. What was really, happening. One of the Reviewers was in the doorway I just flew from, grinning at me with a shaky grin, with some of the bigger eyes of the group. They were so white and bright, those eyes, but with a pupil so small and infinitely black that the contrast sent shivers down a man's spine. With no eyelids then that striking contrast just never leaves your sight, only escaping it when your own eyelids give you a second of reprieve and protection from them. His arms were spread out the length of the doorway as he leaned out, almost looking like he was holding himself back from charging me further. Behind him rose similar dark figures, with eyes smaller, and smaller, but with grins more vicious and shakier than the last.
Just as they began to advance, the reviewer in front letting his fingers slip across the door frame, Lei jumped from behind and spun in midair, round and around. He landed right in the middle of the nefarious group causing them to all fall to the sides or to the ground with the front Reviewer ending up with Lei on his back and him kissing the ground.
"Brad, get out of here. I can hold them back for a bit," screamed Lei. He turned and looked behind him, surveying the area at his back and turning back to me. "Go, NOW!"
With that he jumped up in the air and adjusted his legs to kick off of the counter beside him, launching him toward the wall on his other side. Launching toward the wall he spun in midair landing his feet on the wall and pushing off of the wall towards the group once more. It's why, when in battle, Lei was known as Spring Lei! The deadly fast spring-loaded fighter known for the art of Spring Lei martial arts. Able to spring off and around any surface making him one of the most effective warriors in close quarters combat.
While watching Spring Lei jump around the room with his small frame, a tiny blur bouncing around and desolating the larger foes like training dummies, I began sliding my arms back and digging my elbows into the tile to pull my body backwards. After a few feet I jolted my body up and around, pushing up and off the ground, sprinting toward the kitchen.
Ceiling tiles crumbling from above, sprinkling down to the floor and dusting the top of my head, there were blasts all around from the outside bombardment. My feet wrestling with the ground to keep upright and afoot, I stumbled my way forward closer and closer to the kitchen, racing across the crumbling lobby. Looking over my shoulder, I saw one of the Reviewers had escaped the tiny room beatdown and had launched themselves toward me. Fortunately, I was right at the tiny liminal hall between the lobby and the kitchen doors, so I grabbed ahold of the wall's edge and swung myself around and toward the kitchen doors just as the Reviewer dashed by, his fingertips running through my burgundy work shirt.
Inside the kitchen there were the injured bodies of my staff lying around the floor against the walls, holding arms and heads, passed out or right on their way so. I had no time to check on them, their ultimate safety was around the corner, and I had to reach it. Otherwise, all was for naught. Rounding the corner, I came to a standstill almost as soon as I made the turn. And there it was ...
Housed upon a pair of sculptured whimsical cast iron wall hooks overlooking the main engine, our term for the main grill. Steam from the sizzling cow meat fresh upon the scalding iron of the main engine rose and enclosed upon it, sitting there on the wall, but never falling fully upon. Like it was scared to encroach too close. It was a giant shimmering Turner spatula, five feet long with a thick rubber handle. The beveled edges cut through the light passing by. Seeing it in perfect harmony on the wall while all reality breaks apart around it gave me a deep sense of relief, hope, and strength. Like . . . like I knew everything would be alright. So without hesitation, I reached out ... and grabbed it. Words rose within my head, yelling at the back of my ears with a clarity like that of lips pressed against my head.
Comments
Post a Comment